


Lawbreakers

by needles



Series: Bokuaka Detective drabbles [43]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Author refuses to accept responsibility for nauseous imagery, Dialogue-Only, Hehehe second time I've had to use those tags, Just be glad AO3 has no smell function, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:56:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29611146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needles/pseuds/needles
Summary: Murderers are inventive when it comes to body disposal, but really Bokuto thinks they can take it a bit too far.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: Bokuaka Detective drabbles [43]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116251
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Lawbreakers

“Oh my God Akaashi I think my sense of smell just imploded!”

“That is highly improbable Bokuto san.”

“What the hell is that stuff?”

“As far as I can tell decomposed fish guts.”

“I’ve never smelt anything so bad, not even my brother’s socks.”

“Your brother has smelly socks?”

“Yeah Akaashi, he has sweaty feet, like Dad.”

“You don’t.”

“Nope, I take after my Mom.”

“Good.”

“You’re not going to put your hands in.............oh you are.”

“It’s the only way to ensure I find all the bones Bokuto san. I have gloves on.”

“Eeew that looks even worse than it smells.”

“Bokuto san you are turning green.”

“Thought I’d match the remains Akaashi. I’ll be fine.”

“If you vomit over the crime scene you will contaminate it.”

“How would you tell?”

“Well it should be possible to identify the partially digested burger you insisted on having for lunch, and the fries.”

“You ate all my fries. Anyhow that was a rhetorical question Akaashi I do not need details.”

“I think that’s the last piece but I need all this shipped back to the lab for filtering. There may be some small bones to recover. Konoha will also need to run toxicology tests on this residue.”

“You are not going to be popular stinking out the entire building with that Akaashi.”

“Popularity is irrelevant, what matters is the evidence. This is a murder Bokuto san.”

“You’re sure of that Akaashi?”

“I would have thought even you could see how unlikely it would be for someone to slice themselves into joints and immerse themselves in a sealed tank of fish guts.”

“Ha! That only proves someone disposed of a body Akaashi, as you would normally be the first to point out. Are you guessing Sensei?”

“Certainly not, this bullet hole was not self-inflicted.”

“Could still have been accidental Akaashi.”

“Then how about this broken knife blade lodged in the remains of the sternum?”

“I guess that’s a clincher.”

“Well, I’m done here. I can do nothing more until these bones are clean and the rest of this tank has been processed, let’s get back to the lab.”

“Ok Akaashi.”

“Bokuto san are you hot?”

“Not really.”

“Then why have you opened all the car windows?”

“Because you stink Akaashi.”

“I can hardly smell anything.”

“That’s just your sense of smell’s way of trying to survive. Trust me Akaashi you reek. You really need a shower.”

“But we are an hour away from my apartment. Am I really that mephitic?”

“Mephitic?”

“Malodorous.”

“That’s why the windows are open babe.” 

“I’m sorry Bokuto san.”

“That’s ok Akaashi, it’s not your fault.”

“Look Bokuto san there’s a hotel up ahead, why don’t we rent a room for an hour and I’ll take a shower.”

“Akaashi you know what they’ll think we’re doing if we do that!”

“What?”

“Sex Akaashi, they’ll think we just want to have gay sex. Probably adulterous gay sex at that.”

“But neither of us is married.”

“They don’t know that Akaashi.”

“Well I don’t care what they think, I want a shower.”

“Ok Akaashi, but you’re paying, the pay department will have a field day with me if I claim for a room by the hour on expenses.”

“Fine, I’ll pay.”

“Well at least it’s a nice room, Akaashi. I can watch TV while you clean up.”

“I was hoping you could help me.”

“What?”

“Scrub my back. I’m going to need to scrub every inch thoroughly to get rid of the smell and I cannot reach my back.”

“But you’ll be in the shower.”

“Yes.”

“Naked.”

Yes Bokuto san.”

“Wet and soapy...”

“Yes! Oh come on Bokuto san stop being such a prude.”

“Ok.”

“Good. I’ll call you in a moment. You can undress out here as you’re so shy.”

“Undress?”

“The last time I looked Bokuto san the average men’s suit was not waterproof. The shower will be on, not that I have any objection to getting you soaking wet...”

“Akaashi!”

“I can’t hear you Bokuto san, the water’s running.”

“Dammit! You’ll be the death of me man!”

“I didn’t catch that?”

“Coming Akaashi.”

“Oh good.”

“Just take this loofah and scrub hard Bokuto san.”

“Where?”

“Start at the top and work your way down.”

“How far down?”

“Heels.”

“Hail Mary mother of God...”

“Harder Bokuto san, that’s it. Ooooh that feels good.”

“Akaaaaashi!”

“Lower! Yesss! Down a bit more, really hard. Oooh yes that’s working.”

“Damn right it is!”

“Bokuto san that’s not the loofah.”

“Damn right it’s not, baby. Now turn round.”

“Impressive!”

“God so are you, absolutely gorgeous, I could eat you.”

“So kiss me Bokuto san.”

“Oh, baby you taste wonderful.”

“Bokuto san, I want to break the laws of physics with you. I want us to become one.”

“Dunno Akaashi I’m a cop, I might have to arrest you afterwards.”

“With your handcuffs?”

“Oh yeah, babe.”

“Oh good.”

“Do you think they’ll mind that we got the bed all wet Bokuto san?”

“Just pay them double Akaashi and they won’t care.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yeah Akaashi I meant it.”

“So did I.”

“You really love me?”

“Yes. Bokuto san, do you think we could break the law one more time before we go?”

“Akaashi Keiji you will be the death of me!”

“Oh I do hope not, that would be such a waste.”

“Akaashi! Where did you learn that?”

“Again?”

“Oh God, yes Akaashi.....I love it when you do that.”

The laws of physics never stood a chance...


End file.
